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精神科医生,国家级心理咨询师。除了临床治疗各类精神心理疾病外,在婚姻家庭,亲子教育,神经症等的心理咨询方面积累了大量经验。

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引用 不存在内在孩童  

2010-09-06 10:59:31|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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本文转载自satiredu《不存在内在孩童》

 

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satiredu不存在内在孩童

作者:约翰·贝曼博士

大概在两年前,我很荣幸地同Jean Houston博士在一起渡过两天的时间。Jean Houston是人性潜能运动的领军人物之一。也曾是曾经的白宫第一夫人—希拉里·克林顿的前私人顾问。
  在我们见面的这两天里,Jean Houston说到她后悔曾经在一个重要讲话中说过‘内在孩童’。她说其实不存在内在孩童。但是这个概念却被人们抓住,并把它当成我们公认的灵魂的一部分。实际上这会让我们有些精神分裂,或者分裂成两部分。我们应该成长、负责任、活在当下,但是却有一个无助的、充满渴求的内在孩童卡在过去,它需要滋养,有时还需要怜悯,总是同我们的成人,真实的、当下的自己中分裂开来。

现在是我们该长大的时候了。我们能够在当下得到同情、滋养、接纳和关爱。

“内在孩童”常常和童年的创伤有关,创伤中总会有无助感。你常常感到需要去滋养过去,滋养那个受害的部分,即那个被称为你的‘内在孩童’的部分。

为什么不疗愈那个部分,解冻那部分,让它成长起来,整合到今天的成人里呢?为什么要把这部分保留在自己的里面,而不是邀请它成为统整自我的一部分?

萨提亚模式推动创伤处理的过程,帮助冻结的部分成长并整合。

可能我们很难改变一些专业人士想法,让他们停止推广这样的观念:我们的身体里住着一个‘内在孩童’,它是渴求的、需要滋养,有时又是可怜的。但是,现在如此强调积极心理学、积极情绪和活在当下,也许是时候邀请治疗师改变他们的治疗实践,让治疗朝向更健康、更统整和更积极正向。

他们可能需要得到帮助,以便能接纳事情原来的样子,而并不需要喜欢它,真正做些人际间互动的和个人内在的宽恕。来访者可能也需要得到一些帮助,以放下已经不再适合的双重时间的观念。如果成功,来访者就能在情绪上长大,与他们身体和心智的年龄保持一致。

在萨提亚模式里,我们邀请来访者进入一个体验式的疗愈创伤的历程中,放下童年的伤害、失望和恐惧。通过给予渴求和害怕这部分的接纳和爱,‘内在孩童’部分就能够转化成积极的生命能量。这时候,再允许或邀请这部分回到现在,成为一个人存在的柔软、积极、敏感的面向,来访者就能够长大并变得统整。

通常,通过探索未满足的期待和未实现的渴望,找到办法从内在放下早期卡住的地方,这个历程就可以达成。

在情绪上,如果人们的内在生活在过去和现在两个时区里,就会造成来访者如同同一时间内生活在两个家里的倾向。这会让人们远离一致和统整的世界。

在爱的关系里,伴侣经常体验他/她搭档的时间双重性。很不幸的是,过去/童年的部分是与渴求为伍,总是很快就会再次感到不满足。但如果透过寻求帮助,以允许冻结的部分,即‘内在孩童’融化进入当下,这会很大程度地提升一个人的一致性。
  我答应Jean Houston博士,我将帮助她宣传这个观念,鼓励我们成长,让我们疗愈‘内在孩童’的部分,将这个能量整合进我们的其它部分。我也邀请你加入我,成为一个合一和一致的模范,然后帮助其他人达成同样的目标。

一个重要警告,就是这个历程必须是体验式的,而不仅是认知上的达成。


       About two years ago I had the honour of spending two days with Dr. Jean Houston, one of the leading experts in the human potential movement.  Also, a former personal consultant to the past first lady of the White House, Hillary Clinton.

During those two days of our meeting she told us that she regretted she had ever said “inner child” during a major talk she had given.  There is no inner child she said.  Yet the idea caught on and has become part of our public psyche and actually has caused us to become a little schizophrenic, or split into two.  We are to be grown up, responsible, living in the Now and yet have a helpless, craving inner child stuck in the past that needs nurturing, sometime pity and always split from our adult, real, present self.

It is time we grow up.  We can be compassioned, nurturing, accepting and caring in the present.

Very often the “inner child” is associated with a childhood trauma where helplessness is part of the experience.  You have been asked to nurture the past, that victimized part as your inner child.

Why not heal that part, unfreeze the part and let it grow up and be integrated into the adult of the day, You?  Why keep such a part inside and not invite it to become part of yourself integrated?

The Satir Model promotes the process of dealing with the trauma and helps the frozen part to grow up and be integrated.

It might be difficult to change some of the professionals to stop promoting the idea of an “inner child” living in our body, needing, nurturing, and sometimes pity.  Yet, with so much present emphasis on positive psychology, positive emotions and living in the Now, it might be time to invite therapists to change their therapy practice into a more healthy, integrative, positive therapeutic practice.

They might need some help accepting what was without liking it and actually do some interactive and intrapsychic forgiveness.  The client might also need some help letting go of a perception of a time duality that does no longer fit. Being successful, the client can then grow up emotionally, in tune with their physical and mental age. 

In the Satir Model, we invite clients into an experiential process of healing the trauma, letting go of the childhood hurt, anger, disappointments and fear. By giving this scary, needy part acceptance and love, the “inner child” part can transform into positive life energy. Then, allowing or inviting the part to move into the present as a tender, positively sensitive aspect of ones existence, the client can grow up and become whole.
Very often this process can be achieved by unearthing unmet expectations and unfulfilled yearnings and finding ways of letting go of early stuck place from within.

Emotionally, internally living in two time zones, past and present, has a tendency for the client to live in two homes at the same time. That keeps people from living in a congruent, integrated world.

In love relationships, the mate often experiences the time duality of his/her partner. Unfortunately, the past/childhood part comes across needy and cannot be satisfied for very long. Getting help to allow the frozen part, the “inner child” to melt into the present will have a great improvement on ones congruence.

I promised Dr. Jean Houston that I would help her in speaking out on this subject and encourage all of us to grow up and let our “inner child” energy heal and join and integrate with the rest of us. I ask you to join me in this process by you becoming a model of oneness and congruence and then helping others to achieve the same goal.
The big warning is that this process must be experiential not just cognitive to be successful.

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